Not Quite Mid-Cycle

My interview season, like I said, has become less of a period that defines the next four years of my life, and more of a journey towards self-realization. In my search for a solution to the anxiety that plagued me in the beginning of this year, I instead found ways to strengthen my spirit in ways I did not expect. I listened to Brene Brown, found The Confidence Code, took some advice from Frankel, spoke with mental health professionals, played with MBTI, then delved into figuring out exactly what I loved and what I want out of this long, winded road to a medical degree.

I have become increasingly comfortable with my story, which I often felt I needed to explain. I traced my discomfort regarding my non-traditional status to my inherent dislike for being outside of the norm. I found that both strange and fascinating, since I had never really belonged to one particular cultural group, in school, at work, and in life. I lived in countries whose languages I didn't understand. I was always an outsider.

So, now, I am working on owning my past and my personality for what they are. I am embracing that my path is not at all traditional. My nursing background, my immigrant status, my age, my love for all things unconventional while forever needing community -- these all define me, though, even collectively, they do not quite succeed in answering the question of who I am. I am even working on accepting my ambition for what it is, instead of trying to shove my desire to grow under the proverbial rug for fear that the knowledge of my need to achieve would suddenly deem me unlovable.

But these little details about my introspection don't really interest you, do they? You probably want to know how my cycle is going. Well, folks, it's going splendidly! Feel free to ask me in private if you're curious about exactly how splendidly this year is turning out for yours truly.


Love,

Your Friendly Neighborhood Premed Brain Nurse

Interview Season

One down, three to go. 

I am so excited to be at this point in my journey. Interview season is driving me to self-discovery and I like it. I feel more in-sync with my path now more than ever. I am still worried, still afraid that I will make a damn fool of myself, but I have invited myself into the arena. I have my past, my strengths, and my courage. I have faith that I am on this road for a reason. Asit tal-eb. 

(Yup, just quoted the Qun. Judge me.)

Drop me a line. We can walk this scary year together. 

INTERVIEW INVITE

Yesterday, I received my first interview invite. I am leaving this here as a future reminder of the overwhelming mix of joy, excitement, and nervousness that I felt when I opened that text message. I have been in a near-constant state of anxiety since submitting my secondaries. I am finally seeing an end to years of pre-med effort and I cannot be more stoked that I might not even need to give up my house and my awesome workplace for my dream. I am riding this wave of relief and anticipation for as long as I can manage before the inevitable anxiety comes crashing back in. Thank the deities and on to interviews!

Did you ever think...

How could I have prepared myself for this? How do we tell our pre-meds, our pre-nurses, our kids, that, one day, you could fight with every ounce you have to save a life, lose spectacularly - bloodily, miserably - then find yourself held in the arms of your patient's wife as she thanks you, profusely, for your valiant effort? How do we teach the proper etiquette for that moment? What do you say when this weeping Middle Eastern lady says, "You know.. you know, he must have known you in your past lives. There must be a reason you were his nurse today. Thank you."

How do we learn to deal with that? How do we prepare?

Six Months After

Here we are, loves. It's six months since my last post. MCAT has been well and truly destroyed. It took an exhausting seven hours, but I came out with a 90th percentile and now have a real hope of becoming a physician. I cannot be more nervous, neither can I shake the excitement with which I wake up every morning. I want this so much and, though I know acceptance will not define me since I already have a profession and a life, but I am so stoked that I might be a medical student by next year.

AMCAS is already verified. AACOMAS is on verification, and I am about to start on secondaries. I hope everyone is having a wonderful year. Keep your heads up. We're all going to be okay!