Because I have to start somewhere.

I know this is what I want. I am starting this blog because I haven't isolated the reason behind that desire yet. I need to know why I want this so badly. I need it for my eventual Personal Statement and, most importantly, I need it to maintain my sanity. I'm sure the added boost to my motivation won't hurt either.

I see how miserable most of the doctors in my life are. Both my personal and professional lives are surrounded my doctors. I know how terrible patient care can be. I know the frustrations of dealing with noncompliance and aggression in people you're just trying to help. I know it firsthand. I'm not some starry-eyed little girl with rose-colored glasses and a fancy stethoscope, pretending I know what life beyond the trenches look like because I pushed wheelchairs in the ED or shadowed a doctor for ten hours. I've been in the splash zone of the healthcare business for several years now. I've worked in different departments with patients needing varied levels of care. I've interacted with doctors, from intern grunts to department chiefs. I know what I will be getting myself into, yet here I am, joining the crowd of hopeful non-traditional pre-medical students, hoping for the sliver of a chance to one day become a physician. 

I don't know how I'm going to do it. At 26, I'm at the very beginning of an uphill journey. My GPA is underwhelming. I need a Bachelor's Degree. I don't have a rich support system, so I will likely have to work full time if I want to minimize debt. That's a moot point anyway, because I'm stuck in my contract for another year and a half. I'm still struggling with a plan. 

But there are silver linings, too. I am a critical care nurse in one of the largest teaching/research facilities on this side of the country. The job covers some tuition, provides lots of volunteering opportunities, allows me to build relationships with physicians, exposes me to cutting edge advances on a daily basis, and, hey, I only have to work thirty-six hours  a week, right?

Add that to the fact that I have a decent mortgage, no kids, and a boyfriend willing to support my endeavor, though he doesn't quite get why I would ever want to give up my cozy life for his constantly exhausted one. 

So that is my prologue. That's the story behind the start of the marathon. On Monday, I go back to school after quite the hiatus. I better be freaking up for it.